Before Anxiety Happens
Tiger or kitty? Choose the kitty.
Anxiety can be as fresh as a kitten and as terrifying as a tiger. I have lived with anxiety my whole life and have found a formula that can minimize anxious stress. Instead of living with a tiger, it’s like a peaceful coexistence with a smart-assed kitty. The thing is, don’t wake the tiger.
Catch anxiety early.
Notice when it is just a kitten, a sensation — a swirly feeling in your body. To get grounded feel five to ten breaths, slowing down each inhale while simultaneously turning-up your awareness of the breath. Aim to be aware of each each instant of each breath. What you do next is essential.
Don’t name anxiety.
Probably the worst thing you can do is tell yourself, “I am anxious.” This declaration on the state of your whole being awakens the tiger which will undoubtedly ruin your day.
Instead, call it what it is, swirly energy — nothing more. Not naming the “swirls” helps you avoid repeating past episodes of anxiety. “Naming” anxiety opens your mental files of previous attacks — and a tidal wave of old cases of anxiety will crash upon your psyche. Instead, just say:
“Nope, just little swirls, no problem.”
And go back to what you were doing. This approach takes practice but begins a coexistence.
Don’t develop theories why swirly energy is there.
I’ve learned “swirly” grows into a tiger by recruiting my support. I may be unintentionally supporting anxiety like this:
“Oh no! I am anxious!” And anxiety grows. “It must be because so-and-so just spoke to me sharply. I knew she didn’t like me.” Anxiety grows. The more you power up “reasons” justifying fear, the more intense and lasting it will be. The truth is you do not know why the other person was sharp. Let yourself off the hook — You do not read minds. The other’s mood likely has nothing to do with you at all.
Self-regulation — reining in the future.
Self-regulation means you have learned to catch the swirls and you decide not to escalate them. This link shows a simple way to begin self-regulation via meta-mind meditation. Regulation may involve significantly focusing on and deeply feeling your breath and your body if swirly energy is growing.
Eckhart Tolle says avoid filling your mind with too much “future.” The tiger opens an eye when it sees a mind overloaded with future imaginings. (Also note: Too much past can allow depression.)
“All forms of fear — are caused by too much future, not enough presence.” -Tolle
Presence is grounded. Imagining a future is unstable, uncertain and unreliable. Feeling your breath pulls your awareness back to the present, where you can see the kitten as playful. In self-regulation, the swirls may be present but not threatening. And the swirly energy may always be with you in some benign form. No problem.
Realize anxiety may be trying to show you a possible problem, but it is usually exaggerated. See the anxious energy like a false-alarm system. If you’re in a challenging situation, you might say to your swirls, “I see that, thanks, but it’s no big deal,” or “It’s not my business,” or, “It is my business and I will take care of it.” Eventually, no words are needed.
Resistance doubles anxiety.
When we resist what is happening now, we add a new layer of pain that creates more anxiety. It is the energy of I am against, I hate, I resist what is happening now, and the tiger awakens and roars.
Resistance is worse than the thing we are resisting.
Resisting prevents us from seeing what reality is offering, which is usually not as bad as we expected. Start noticing this — it is a key to self-regulation.
There is the thing happening, and now also your intense frustration that it is happening. This frustration is entirely counter-productive. That is why we say, in a difficult situation,
“See what’s happening, feel what’s happening and allow it to happen.”
The truth is you have no choice at this moment — it’s happening with or without your resistance. Without resistance, your next actions will be influenced by a clear picture of reality — not a distortion of what you demand should happen. Anxiety will be minimal.
The kitty can be bite-y and claw-y, but over time it can grow into an indifferent familiar old friend that tries not to let on that you’re pretty much okay.
